is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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