We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
