you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
