I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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