i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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