I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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