Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
