you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
