well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
