well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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