ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
