I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
