yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
