weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
