im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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