how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
