good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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