trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
