I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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