can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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