wakey wakey hands off snakey
you would pick up someone in the library
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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