Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I did not marry a roomba.
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