i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
did i just pee glitter
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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