he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
