First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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