Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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