He disabled his match.com account in front of me
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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