she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
