this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Randomize
