Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
