I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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