i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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