Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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