she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
