If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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