U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
