fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
dude i'm inner monologue high
I don't think brook has ever known best
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
