You just made me feel so damn special
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
