you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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