I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
