i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
