Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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