WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
