Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
