Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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