i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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