I feel like I'm in dance class right now
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
