from now on my penis is your penis
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
two words: eviction party
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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