my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
operation harelip BJ is a go
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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