I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
