just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
