Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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