I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize