just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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