pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
