i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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