Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
