he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
