It's like a parade of train wrecks.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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