Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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