Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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