Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
