First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize