Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
