I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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