Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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