you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
