Sorry, I don't speak sober.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
