I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
