Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
