You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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