He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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