Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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