I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
