I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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