Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
