I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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