I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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