Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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