Sry I called you an 8
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize