I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
