I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
