Can i not drive my cunt home
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
