i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
