I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
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