the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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