i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
