My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
