around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
