look no pants
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
