Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
