My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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